sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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