so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize