is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
