his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
