We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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