I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
