she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
