I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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