It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
