If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
