Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
