with your own penis?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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