Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if only i could text you this smell
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
