i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
