No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
