Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
