Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
