My room smells like vodka and shame
Where is the hickey?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize