Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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