I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
