They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
