My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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