fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
