Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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