Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
