Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
