She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize