Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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