Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
