you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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