Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
