Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
