you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize