so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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