No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
