I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
