If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
