Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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