THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
