yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Barsexuality is the new black.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
