i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
