Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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