I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
