I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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