I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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