Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
two words: eviction party
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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