I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
