i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
