At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
