i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
