I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
